When you woke up one morning from uneasy dreams, you found yourself changed in your bed into LeBron James. You are America’s best and most beloved athlete. You are so famous the President says he’s you: “I’m LeBron, baby. I can play on this level. I got some game.” The press is literally calling this is the Summer Of You. You are 25 years old, and you are on the market. It’s good to be King. You report on the set for your first Hollywood movie in a couple weeks.

Then there’s Joe Mauer. It is impossible not to pull for Joe Mauer. He speaks like the guys from the “Fargo” movie, unwinds Sundays by mowing his lawn at his log cabin, and is only the greatest catcher since Johnny Bench. Joe Mauer spurned the Yankees and Red Sox to take a sizable hometown discount and stay with the Twins. It’s been hailed as a sign that small market teams can still keep their superstars. Joe Mauer single-handedly saved Minneapolis tourism for the next 8 years.

Imagine you are LeBron James. You have four choices. Pick one:

A) LOS ANGELES CLIPPERS: LeBron going to the Clippers would be like Megan Fox marrying Donnie Wahlberg. Right house, definitely wrong brother.

B) CHICAGO BULLS: Even President Obama is pitching his city of Chicago. And LeBron has never played with a point guard like Derek Rose. But playing in Jordan’s House is not conducive to leaving Jordan’s shadow.

C) STAY IN CLEVELAND: Home is where the heart is. And the Cavs are still a championship caliber team. To GM Dan Ferry’s credit, he did everything right except for two big man trades that didn’t happen with Los Phoenix Suns. In 2009, Ferry couldn’t pry away Shaq to be the Kyptonite to the Dwight Howard Superman. In 2010, Ferry wouldn’t put up the extra rookie for Amare Stoudamire. Ferry opted for the Wizards’ Antwan Jamison who wilted versus Boston (scoring 9 and 5 points the last two playoff games).

D) NEW YORK: You will always be from Akron, but there is nothing like being King of New York. Ask your best friend Jay-Z. Then have a little chat with your buddy Dwyane Wade about coming too. What can you buy with $30 million a year max contract you can’t buy with $20 million? Besides, you and Mr. Wade would recoup it with interest when you bring NYC four straight NBA titles.

Also on Prose Before Hos: Being Lebron James

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